Author Archives: John Johnson

Wine Trucks: If Kids Can Have Ice cream Trucks Then Adults Can Have These!?

We are used to the noise of ice cream trucks darting around the neighbourhood. 

They always seem to emerge at the exact time your kids have just started to eat their dinner. 

But what about wine trucks for adults? Why hasn’t anyone decided to make a business out of selling wine from a truck? 

Instead of playing music that sounds like it should be in some sort of horror film, wine trucks could play the distinctive noise of wine being poured out of a bottle and into your pint glass? 

If you are thinking about starting up your own business, or diversifying from your current one, then please feel free to give this business idea a go. 

All we ask is that you make sure that our offices are on your daily rounds. Note the word ‘daily’ and not ‘nightly’. 

Just think how happier the world would be if there were more wine!? 

I doubt that you would ever be out of business as pretty much every household in every street loves knocking back at least of few glasses of the stuff. 

Good luck with your new business venture, and be sure to let us know how it goes! 

By the way, did you know that you can actually buy wine in a can!? What better way to drink wine than in a can…

Lad Who Has Had Enough Of People Sets Sail On DIY Yacht

With all of the constant negativity and conflict that is going on around us at the moment, you would not be blamed for wanting to set sail onto the oceans for a few months.

But unless you are loaded with cash and have enough money to buy a yacht, then what can you do?

Well, one lad seems to have come up with the perfect way of getting away from it all by spending some quality ‘alone time’ on a makeshift DIY yacht.

Armed only with a paddleboard, a deck chair, table and umbrella, this innovative citizen has been able to build a DIY ocean-going yacht that can circumnavigate the world.

Of course, in reality, you would be mad to consider going anywhere on this DIY yacht as there is a high chance that the first wave you encounter would be enough to knock you off of your ‘yacht’.

But we thought that the image captured how many people are feeling right now.

You can almost picture yourself sipping your favourite drink as you float aimlessly on the water, forgetting about all of the negative stuff that is happening around the world right now…

Dog Owners Leaves Note In Car Window To Stop His Windows Getting Smashed

We all know by now, that if you leave your dog in your car with the windows up during this hot weather, then you do not deserve the companionship and friendship that a dog can bring into your life. 

And yet every summer, we always hear stories about how poor dogs have had to be rescued from sweltering cars after their owners decided to leave them in what is essentially a halogen oven. 

But one dog owner left a note on his car, explaining that, despite his dog being locked in the vehicle during the hot weather, all was well. 

He was worried that concerned members of the public would see the dog without realising that the air-con had been left on and smash his windows in order to free the dog. 

In a note left on his window, the dog owner said:

“Please do NOT break window!!

“Car is running

“A/C is on high

“Dog is listening to Creedence (she hates the f**king eagles!)

“Back in a flash! 

“Dude”. 

At least it confirms that there are legions of people out there who, upon seeing a dog that has been left in a car without any air-con running, will be more than willing to rescue the dog by making a ‘hole’ in the windows of the vehicle where a dog has been left inside and is suffering.

I am not sure how he managed to keep the air-con running whilst at the same time locking the car and taking his keys with him thou!? 

Let us know what you think in the comments below!  

Five Entertaining Ways To Stay Cool During The Summer

Unless you prefer staying in the shade for the entire summer, then you will undoubtedly find that you end up spending some time splashing around in a paddling pool in your mates garden.

That is assuming, of course, that you don’t mind ingesting your friend’s urine as they pee in the paddling pool rather than going indoors to relieve themselves.

So if you are going to be heading to some sort of impromptu paddling pool party, then you are going to want to make sure that you stand out from the crowd.

And we have JUST the things for you!

1. Inflatable Poop Sticks. You won’t need an Olympic sized paddling pool to enjoy a game of jousting. And what can be better than hitting your mate with an inflatable turd? 

BEST REVIEW: ‘These are hilarious and have caused much hilarity with the family over the weekend as we bash each other with poo sticks and sit on the blow-up toilet!! Yes – we re super childish. Genuinely good value and made of strong stuff. They blow up easily, and you can sit on the seat on the pool and not fear falling in. Just a really good fun little thing!’ – Cameron

Buy it from Amazon for 21.03

2. Inflatable Logs (with sticks). If you do not want to offend your mate by hitting them over the head with an inflatable turd, then these inflatable logs with accompanying sticks should do the ‘job’. 

BEST REVIEW: ‘Bought this for an upcoming holiday and just can’t wait to use it with my kids. We’re the competitive type of family and this will just brig so much joy to us all. Nicer than just this inflatables you lie on to relax…..this way you work out a little whilst bashing your opponent :)’ – Shi

Buy it from Amazon for 19.99

3. Turn your garden into a waterpark. The waterparks might be shut, but don’t let that stop you from turning your garden into your very own waterpark. Hell, you could even start charging your mates to come over and using it – just like a real waterpark.

BEST REVIEW: ‘kids enjoyed this water play mat. Seems quite hard wearing and durable. Great to cool the kids down in the summer heat. Just need more weather to get the most use of it now!’ – Adam W

Buy it from Amazon for 29.99

4. Float on a slice of Pizza. If your mate has got a decent sized paddling pool, then stand out from the crowd by floating around on this slice of pizza. The good thing is that this slice of ‘pizza’ hasn’t got any pineapple on it. Result. 

BEST REVIEW: ‘Really great pizza slice inflatable! We were part of a large group and this was the most popular amongst the kids and kept going when other inflatables started to go floppy. The kids always refer to the pizza slice when we mention the holiday…really good buy.’ – Karen (seriously, that’s her name) 

Buy it from Amazon for 8.99

5. Giant Inflatable Sprinkler Unicorn. It’s ok; you like Unicorns. We get it. That’s why we have found this giant inflatable sprinkler unicorn. You can set this up in your garden so your mates can enjoy being hit with unicorn juice. 

BEST REVIEW ‘It’s a great product my daughter loves it thank you’ – david

Buy it from Amazon for 29.99

Brand New £200k Lambo Is A Write Off 20 Minutes After Purchase

A brand new £200k Lamborghini has been written off less than 20 minutes after the owner had driven it away from the showroom. 

The sports car had come to a stop on the M1 motorway, apparently due to a ‘mechanical failure’. 

As it sat stationary on lane 3 of the busy motorway, it was hit from behind by a motorist who was driving a van. 

PC Richard Whiteley, a Roads Policing Officer from West Yorkshire Police, tweeted images of the sports car with the caption: 

“It’s only a car! But on this occasion a 20-minute old brand new Lamborghini that stopped due to mechanical failure in lane three them hit from behind by an innocent motorist.”

Imagine being the insurance company of the van that hit the Lambo and having to now potentially face the prospect of a £200k repair bill…ouch. 

Thankfully, nobody was seriously injured in the collision. 

How To Pretend You Are Working When Really You Are Not

As we all start to head back to work, many of us are finding that we have gotten used to being furloughed where we basically get paid for doing next to nothing. 

It might have only taken a few days to get used to being furloughed, but it is going to take a hell of a lot longer to get used to being at back work again. 

When you do return to work, then you will probably find yourself starting to zone out, or starting to browse through your Amazon Prime video library as you sit on the toilet at work (for hours at a time). 

But fear not, my friends, as you are not alone. 

Tens-of-thousands of workers are in the same situation as you. And we want to help. 

Our suggestion is simple: 

Buy yourself some discrete in-ear headphones (assuming you are allowed to have them at work). 

And then sign up for an AudioBook service (Like Amazon’s Audible) and then ‘hey presto’ – you get to feel like you are at home when really, you are at work! 

If you have been doing your job for a few years and you know it like the back of your hand, then you can ‘work’ while listening to your favourite book! 

This suggestion has been bought to you by our ‘life hack’ team who have tried this very technique (I am listening to an audiobook as I type and none of my colleagues are even aware of it – my boss thinks that I am just waiting for my next call) 

WATCH: Lockdown Lad Finds Dodgy Alternative Use For His Treadmill

If you are a fan of the gym, then you have probably found the last few months incredibly hard because your gym has been shut for so long.

I am reasonably sure that most of us now have added at least a few pounds to our waistline as we buy tonnes of fast-food from our local restaurants as a way of ‘supporting’ local businesses.

All those years of going to the gym and now we have to watch as our once toned bodies become just a shadow of their former selves.

If you are fortunate, then you probably have a treadmill at home as well as some weight-training equipment.

But several months of using the same pieces of fitness equipment over and over again probably means that you are getting bored of your home ‘mini-gym’.

Well, one lad has thought of a novel way of using his treadmill for some home-based entertainment as well as fitness.

It involves sitting in a washing basket and setting the treadmill to various speeds before hurtling yourself off of the back of the treadmill.

In a 30-second clip that has been uploaded to social media, over 95 people have shared their thoughts on the idea via the comments which they have left on the post.

The video has been ‘liked’ nearly 9k times and has had 31k shares.

Would you try this at home (assuming that you had a treadmill)? Let us know in the comments below!

WATCH: ‘Yapping Small Dog’ Helps To Foil An Armed Robbery

If you own a dog that is small enough to fit into a handbag, then you probably already know that tiny dogs often come with prominent personalities.

And a video that has been shared on Twitter by the New York Police Department shows just how brave these small dogs can be.

In the video, two masked robbers, one holding a gun, try to hold up a pharmacy in Brooklyn, New York.

As one of the masked raiders jumps over the counter, a small white dog appears to ‘confront’ the robber and starts to bark at him.

The dog disappears out of the shot and which point one of the robbers falls over and lands almost precisely where the small dog had been only moments earlier.

The thief then gets to his feet and runs out of the pharmacy empty-handed.

3 Essential Items You Must Have For Your Night shift

Working during the night, as everyone else sleeps, is hard work.

If you have never had to work a nightshift, then count yourself lucky and spare a thought for the tens of thousands of people who zombie their way through the night.

But if you do work nights, then we have hand-picked (as former night shift workers ourselves) 3 essential items which you should always carry with you!

1. A ‘travel pillow‘. Ok, granted, not everyone will be able to get away with having a quick sleep during their nightshift. But you could always use your 15-minute break to catch some ZZZZ’s rather than zoning out during late-night conversations. 

BEST REVIEW: ‘My old inflatable neck pillow sprung a leak an was very old. I have just had spinal surgery and needed support for travelling in the car. The astronaut is perfect, and I like the neck clip, so it doesn’t fall off, which I found my old one did. Also extremely comfortable’ – ‘Davide.’

Buy it from Amazon for 9.99

2. A torch. No credible night shift worker can navigate their way through the night without a torch. Yes, your phone can do the job if you need it to. But when you drop your phone, and its screen smashes, then you will be kicking yourself!

BEST REVIEW: ‘This is a great torch for the price and exactly what I needed for dog walks on the field at 5am. It’s small enough for your Jean’s pocket, but reassuringly weighty, giving it a quality feel. The beam casts a very bright wide illumination but you can also adjust it to narrow the field right down to aim at something in particular.

Using the batteries that came with it so need to add some longer life batteries (3xAAA) in order to comment on battery life. All in all a powerful little torch’ – S. Buchan 

Buy it from Amazon for 6.99

3. Refs Box. If you are trying to save money, by avoiding buying fast food during your night shift, then you are going to need a ‘lunch’ box. But we have found one that should also ensure that wandering hands stay away from your food. 

By having a lunch box that also has pictures of all of the body’s vital organs on it, then anyone thinking of stealing your food might believe that, rather than being a lunch box, that it is, in fact, a bag used for the transportation of human organs.

BEST REVIEW: This is a new listing that has yet to be reviewed! 

Buy it from Amazon for 16.99

WATCH: What My Last Pringles See Right At The Bottom Of The Can

We have all been there; you are sitting down watching your favourite Amazon Prime flicks, eating your pringles when you get down to your very last few.

But your hand is too big to get them, and you don’t want to turn the tube upside down because, if you do, then the billions of crumbs will fall all over your sofa. 

So instead, you stretch your fingers out as much as you can as you try to reach for the last few pringles. 

You also have to keep peering down the can to see just how many you have got left before you go and get another can. 

The problem is, that you use so much force to try and reach them, that the remaining few pringles end up being destroyed meaning that you have no choice other than to resort to turning the can upside down. 

But a video that has been shared on TikTok gives us a glimpse into what our pringles must see as we scoop around, trying to find them. 

The video was uploaded by @BritishPromise.Cats and has been liked nearly 12 million times in just under 24 hours! 

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