Army Lads Review Pontins On Tripadvisor

Some hilarious reviews of Pontins (Southport) have started to appear on Tripadvisor which seem to suggest that the military are making the most of the venue which is being used as a temporary base for COVID testing in Liverpool.

One of the quirky reviews was shared in one of the social media groups moderated by one of our ‘spotters’. 

The title of the review was: ‘Army on tour‘. Although, this is not your typical tour of duty.

The review said: “Just arrived on-site and nowhere to park my tank as some idiot has parked his jeep across a parking bay. Check-in was smooth and friendly staff. I am still looking for my army colleagues, but the camouflage army gear is quite good. Tonight we have entertainment from status quo who might sing “In the army now.”

Clearly impressed by this straight-talking review, over 22 people found the account to be ‘helpful’, which is great if you are thinking of taking your tank to Pontins.

Two days later, on the 7th November, another person left the following review: “Beautiful stay ruined by soldiers. I heard some commotion outside of the room and went to investigate. There was an RAF boy who was just back from a 5-mile run standing toe to toe with an army man in a maroon hat.

“I thought there was going to be trouble so I went for a swim instead but there was some reme lad in the kids pool looking excited. This was the last straw so I went to get in my car and it was blocked in by some idiot driving a army truck. Said he was looking for South shields.”

By this account, a lad from the RAF Regiment clearly got into some trouble with a paratrooper. We don’t know what happened, as the witness to the event went for a swim. But I am guessing that it did not end well for the RAF chap…..

Another reviewer was quick to comment that Pontin’s is, in fact, ‘a much better place to stay than Camp Bastion’ in Afghanistan was.

When comparing the two, the reviewer said: “This place is first class, for a man who doesn’t like hot food, this is the place to be. There is no digging in, no stag, there is no way the CGS would get lost around here, as it’s a palace for the mighty, towering above the town of Southport.

“If you get COVID, there is room service of food deliveries to your room. 2 weeks of this level of service, civvies would pay thousands for this. The only downside to this place is my boots don’t fit, and my mail isn’t getting through.

“But these are only minor points. The site security is excellent; there is no getting through them, not even deliveroo. There is no shop, so it’s an excellent place to save your money—overall an impressive place to stay. Well done, Pontins, you are an ever-shining light during this national emergency.

Having served in the military myself, I can confirm that you will always be able to rely on straight-talking military men and women for an honest review of a civvy establishment. Especially when comparing it to a military one. Although, I am sure that it won’t be long before these hilarious spoof reviews vanish…

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