Sailor Gets His Testicle Stuck In A Padlock

When you have spent several months at sea, there are loads of tried and tested ways to let off some steam once you get alongside.

Some sailors, or ‘matelots’, unwind by having a few drinks with their oppos, often resulting in some epic dit-spinning (storytelling) when they are next gathered in the mess. 

And this story is a prime example of such shenanigans. 

A sailor, after having a few jars, decided to lock his testicle in a padlock. 

Unfortunately for him, the mission of exploration went t*ts up when he inadvertently ended up getting his testicle stuck in the padlock after the key did not work. 

The Engineering Technician (ET) was stuck, and he needed the help of his shipmates. 

And thankfully, being in a disciplined service, the whole episode was recorded in a ships log. 

An image of the entry into the log was obtained by a military banter page called ‘FYB UK’. 

According to the log, the matelot: 

‘locked his testicle in a padlock, the key did not work to unlock it; therefore the officer of the Day (the person in charge of the day-to-day running of whichever ship/establishment the engineering technician is/was deployed on) was called to inspect the situation. 

‘The the MO (Medical Officer) made her judgement and that was to contact the local EMS (ambulance service) for further treament’.

I can just imagine how the poor lad must have felt when the Medical Officer aboard the ship (that was alongside at the time) gazed upon his hairy gonad. 

It would appear that the MO inspected the gonad at around 11 pm and that at around 1 am, the unfortunate shipmate had been carted off to his local A&E to get the item removed from his ‘crown jewels’. 

The entry into the ship’s log later confirmed: ‘Agent has picked up ET to take him to the hospital, medical officer has also gone with ET – NFTR (nothing further to report). 

Thankfully, it was not long until the matelot and his chaperone made it back to the ship in one piece after medical staff managed to remove the padlock from the lad’s gonad before it (the gonad), well, fell off. 

And let’s face it, if the lads and lasses who serve on the high-seas want to clamp their private parts in a padlock (or similar device) when they are alongside letting off some steam, then who are we landlubbers to judge? 😉 

Image credit: FYB UK

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