“The Virus Does Not Give A S**t About You” | Disease Control Expert Has An Epic Rant

When we saw this epic rant doing the rounds on social media, then we just had to share it with you. 

It has been written by someone called ‘Jane Raison’, and it probably reflects what most healthcare professions and disease control experts are thinking, but are too afraid to say:

“As someone with a Masters in disease control, you can only imagine the sheer hell on earth that Facebook is for me at the moment.

From Chantelle who has impressively made the leap from bath bomb retailer to consultant virologist in a matter of weeks and can tell you exactly why the government and their experts are wrong, to Bob who claims to have secret intel from a secret government group on the secret programme of secret treatment measures that the government are definitely bringing in at 3 pm next Thursday, only it’s a secret, but he’s posting it on Facebook, so he feels like 007, to Steve who thinks it’s all a load of bo**ocks and if he wants to wander around town he bloody well can cos he doesn’t feel sick and why the f**k is ‘spoons shut cos his granddad didn’t fight the nazis for him to be told to stay inside even if pornhub premium is now free for a week.

I tried as hard as I could in my studies and in my work in disease control to avoid viruses like the plague (see what I did there?) because they are absolute bastards. 

Bacteria are so much easier to control, and parasites are positively dreamy. 

Viruses are utter bastards (did I mention that?) because you can do almost f**k all to them. 

To deal with viruses, you have to deal with the viral vector instead. 

That’s the weak point for a virus. Its vector. Only in this case, the vector is humans, bl**dy stupid, a**ehole humans like Chantelle, Bob and Steve. 

Viral control is about psychology more than it’s about medicine, and that’s what’s scary about it. 

Giving everyone a pill is easy; getting everyone to listen and change their behaviour is a f**king nightmare.

The virus is just chugging along being a virus; it’s living it’s best life #livelaughcough

You can’t ignore it out of existence, scaremonger it away or become magically immune by gargling with vinegar, donning a decorating mask or sticking a live frog up your arse and swanning around town like an immortal d**khead. 

You have to actually do what you’re being told to do. 

YOU.

YOU. 

You can stop it. Do what you’re told. Stay the f**k inside. 

Stop thinking you’re an expert, stop thinking you know best, stop thinking you’re a rebel, stop trying to be a special little cupcake. 

Be a sheeple. 

Do what you’ve been asked to do. 

This is NOT your time to shine sweet cheeks; this isn’t your opportunity to overthrow the system and save humanity. It’s your opportunity to sit tight, watch Netflix and save humanity.

The virus does not give a shit about you. 

You’re just a stepping stone, a host, a nameless, faceless breeding ground and launchpad. 

All it gives a s**t about is reproducing and finding new hosts. 

Don’t let it. Break the chain. Shut the hell up. Stop spreading fake news, fear and gossip. 

Let the experts be the experts and do what they tell you because all the googling, all the conspiracy theories, all the spoilt princess routines and all the voodoo bulls*it in the world is not going to help you one little bit. 

This is not about YOUR ego; it’s about OUR survival. 

So act for the good of us all and do what you’re being asked to do.

Stay inside, protect the NHS, save lives.

Addendum:

Hello everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my ramble and to share it and help me convince my parents that all that money spent on the Master’s degree was of some benefit to humanity, but I’m just a girl who has a little experience I wanted to share.

I’ve not even told you about the time I got the lab induced yeast infection up my nose, the time I sedated myself with chloroform during an exam, or had an entire, fully operational water treatment plant stolen overnight, but, suffice to say I have a little window into this mad world we’re all stuck in together now.

I am not your government. I am not your health department. I am not the girl who decides on your country’s global treatment programme. I’m not Scully, or indeed, Mulder.

So please don’t come at me bro, I’m not interested in arguing with you because you’ve read how eating four oranges a day will give you a shield of protection like you’ve just had a bowl of 1970s readybrek, or how you have a file of secret evidence as to why this has been made up by the Chinese/Trump/ phone companies or your dad. 

I’m just here to say STAY THE F**K INSIDE.

Now, Judge Judy is on, and I’ve just treated myself to a Freddo Frog, so have fun y’all and STAY THE F**K INSIDE.”

BEFORE YOU GO – don’t forget to follow our Facebook page by clicking on this handy link! 

If you spot anything funny, engaging, strange, newsworthy or bizarre on social media which you think our team might be interested in (like the content in this article), then don’t forget to share it in our Strange Things Spotted On Social Media’ Facebook group by clicking here

Let us know what you think!