(Alternative) Police Advice On How To Deal With Storm Ciara

We are used to the police issuing stern, no-nonsense advice on what to do in the event of big storms. This is even though most people think that they know better and tend to ignore the notice anyway. 

But have you ever wondered what advice from the police might look like if they did not have to worry about being politically correct? 

One of our intrepid followers found a piece that has surfaced on the internet regarding some ‘alternative’ advice from the police about how to prepare for storm ‘Ciara’. 

Storm Ciara is going to hit the UK this weekend and will bring winds of up to 80mph to coastal areas; which is excellent if you like extreme windsurfing or other watersports, but is a bit of a bummer if you like leisurely strolls along the beach with your tiny pug.

Winds of 80mph will definitely be enough to pick your pug up and blow her out to sea.  

The Met Office has warned of travel disruption and potential power cuts in some areas on Sunday so, by all accounts, this storm has the potential to be a pretty nasty one. 

Weather forecasters have said that the storm will bring disruptive weather on Saturday and Sunday night, so if you are out on the town then you might want to take some foul weather gear with you — we all know that nightclubs love looking after your jackets as you rave the night away (and charge you quite a bit of money for the ‘service’). 

As you would expect, if you are unlucky enough to have to use public transport this weekend, then you can expect delays to train and bus services with road closures (on top of the billions of road closures already in place). 

But wouldn’t it be great if the police were allowed to give this sort of advice to the general public:

The advice could read: 

“Please prepare for storm Ciara, which is due to arrive around midday tomorrow and throughout Sunday. 

“The Met Office is predicting severe gales and has issued a yellow windy as f**k warning. 

“There are some basic things you can do to prepare.”

“Remove or secure loose items on your property and in your gardens. 

“Wheelie bins and trampolines love doing mary Poppins impressions when it’s windy as f**k.”

“Keep up to date on the forecast, and plan journeys carefully. 

“Rail journeys are almost guaranteed to be f**ked by trees playing sleeping lions across the tracks. 

“Leaves blowing into oncoming trains will cause havoc, and the drivers will need to take six months paid leave; basically the trains will be f**ked until July – especially Arriva London trains.

“If you can’t avoid driving, take extra care and drive to the conditions. 

“Be wary of sudden side winds, obstacles, trees blowing into roads and Mary Poppins landing in the central reservation. 

“The police will not accept “the tailwind pushed me over the speed limit” as an excuse for speeding.

“Take a moment to check in on elderly or vulnerable neighbours. This is not compulsory. No one actually likes the old bat from next door, but the Sargent said we should put this bit in”

“If you have a power cut, call 105 to speak to the Electricity board, NOT the police, no f**ks will be given by the ‘lecy board, you still need to pay your bill regardless .”

So there we have it — an ‘alternative version of weather warnings that could be issued by the police in the future. 

We aren’t sure who the author is.

But you can probably guess that it has been written by a police officer who is fed up of having to deal with the bad decisions of people who ignore weather warnings and then get caught up in the aftermath. 

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One comment

  • Being a Train Driver ( and an Instructor to boot)
    I take Umbrage at six months paid leave!!
    I’ll be instructing my trainees to hold out for at least NINE months and Two paid holidays within that period for the harrowing ordeal of actually having to turn up for work DRIVE an actual train.
    And yes ,‘Tis windy as f#%k out there

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